Out On The Field

by Ryan Rotella

The hopes of my Saturday rest on the shoulders of 18 to 25 year old men who I’ll never know 
But who used to be my father, uncles, and grandfather 
On the field 

The men clad in armored pads and helmets
Allow me to project onto them
Manifesting more passion than
 most anywhere else in life
My side against the other
My family against the world

My grandfather, a large tough-nosed Italian son of a gun
A Purple Heart from WWII for taking a mortar and sharpnel where the sun don’t shine
And still played football for 2 years afterward
Until he became a coach, a leader of men, a legend

My father didn’t leave the house for a week when his father died

On the line, against other tough-nosed desperate men with hopes and dreams 
Of doing their job better than you
Providing for their brothers at the expense of yours
Their will vs whatever you have in you

How do you win that fight

You get low, you get leverage
You give em a good hit, a good Pop
And knock the son of a bitch out

And you keep doing it 
Until the whistle blows
No matter what

When we were at a megachurch service when I was a child hearing a sermon about legacy together, I looked into my father’s eyes. 
My father cried.  

Football’s a funny game
If you get knocked down, you get back up
Next play, another chance for success, always hope always tough

Turn a setback into a comeback, a man quoted my grandfather as saying

The coach is an alchemist 
Pulling Soul out of any troubled young man
Chaneling the Atatistic
The Primal Warrior

The Dancing Cro Magnon

Like my grandfather to my father

Like my grandfather to so many men

Decades after my grandpa’s coaching career
Decades upon decades

This man told me in a bagel shop
 my grandpa changed his life
Taught him things no one else did
From a game of cloth and leather
And working hard for something bigger than yourself

Someone believing in you is 
Larger than Life

Rippling for decades and decades

No matter my aches and bruises

No matter the bones I break or 
the tendons I tear
The ligaments I shred
The concussions that rattle my skull
And poison my brain

And all the futures I’m robbed of

No matter all the moments I sacrifice for 
this game

These men loved me
These men fought for me
Alongside me
With me
Together

I get to be somebody here
Out in the Field
Away from the World
With everyone watching me

I get do something amazing

I’m trapped but I’m free

This is my world 
Every play
Every hit
Every breath
Every vomit
I can dissolve, I can be coached, I can be loved

I can be loved for
What I really am

As the Crowd Roars

I can be beautiful

Just for a moment
Win or lose

I can feel something
As the men across me
Knock my head off
And the men beside me
Pick me back up

My body is purified
Of everything holding me back

Even though it will return
The next play

Anything is possible
Here
In this little game

With my dad 
Where I know him 
and he knows me